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March 30, 2006

Sometimes One's Own Mortality Just Comes Up and Smacks You In the Head For Good Measure

First off before anyone gets all in a tizzy let me assure you I'm fine. Did you hear that? I'M FINE!! Now let's get to the nuts and bolts of the story shall we?

A few weeks ago I started having a slight pain in my left breast. Being that it was that time of the month I just chalked it up to my monthly cycle and called it a day. But once my cycle came and went and the pain lingered I started getting a little worried. Last week I called my OBGYN and scheduled an appointment. Even though I couldn't feel a lump, pain that lingers in a breast tends to be something you want to get checked out. It's one of those things you can never be too cautious about. They scheduled my appointment for today and we set off for Annapolis to go see my lovely OBGYN. I like her, but to be honest once a year is more than enough to see her! She's a great woman personally (or seems that way anyway), but I'm not a big fan of the poking and prodding and I had no idea what today would bring.

Over the past few weeks my mind of course went through all of the possible outcomes. Perhaps it was just an infection or a bacterial thing, which could easily be treated by an antibiotic, but inevitably your mind always goes to the worst possible scenario....what if it was breast cancer? I rationalized in my mind that I'm young and healthy, and given the fact that we couldn't feel a lump that had to be a good sign. That meant we caught it early and catching something like this early is always a good thing. But inevitably your mind always has that dark voice in the back of your head which points out things when you least expect it like, "What if it's bad and you don't make it?" or "If you die now Alexis will never actually know you." I don't like that voice! That voice makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out! That voice makes my heart break for Alexis and earned her tons of extra hugs and kisses over the past few weeks, which is saying something given that she gets tons of hugs and kisses to start with. At that point all I knew to do was pray, wait and worry. So that's what I did...I'm good at that.

Last night I did a little research online with my symptoms, which I had avoided up to this point because sometimes too much information is bad when you're mind is already working overtime, and most of the information I found pointed one of two ways...it was a hormone thing where my hormones were all out of whack or it was a rare form of breast cancer. My mind wouldn't listen to reason though and in my mind I was just sure it was the latter because that little voice was working overtime. This morning Jamison did some research and came up with the same line of thinking. He was then convinced it was the hormones, while in my mind I prayed that that was what it was, but there was still that little voice that wouldn't let me completely jump onto the hormone ship.

We arrived 20 minutes early for my appointment and they took me right back and Alexis came with me. There was a little boy in the waiting room that was in her personal space and when they called my name she wasn't hanging around with him! I was thrilled that they could go ahead and get this thing going as the waiting was really getting to me. The nurse checked my blood pressure (140/100), which was a little high for me given that I always run around 118/78. That worried me a bit, but I wasn't sure what that meant. Alexis amused me though as she tried to figure out what they were doing and kept asking the nurse questions. "What are you doing to Mommy?" "Does that hurt her?" "Mommy does that hurt you?" We assured her it didn't and explained blood pressure to her. "Dr. West doesn't do that to me" she informed us. "No sweetie, she doesn't do that to you because you're too young." My daughter is ever the inqusitive one and she's quite protective of me too. If that doesn't warm your heart then I don't know what will! After that Jamison came back and joined us and I felt immediately more calm about the whole situation.

In the past when I've had a bacterial sinus infection my blood pressure has gone up a bit while I was sick, but it always goes back to the 118/78 mark soon after the antibiotic kicks in. After she examined me she told me what my mind was hoping for...it is just a hormone surge and nothing drastic! I didn't need an antibiotic I just have to increase my vitamin E intake and avoid caffeine (which isn't a big deal for me, since I don't get that much caffeine to start with) and if the pain persists start taking Evening Primrose Oil. But the good news is that it wasn't a cyst or cancer! And after all that's the most important part! The shift most likely happened due to recent weight gain/loss, since I am forever trapped in a cycle of that sort as of late, but I'm working diligently to work that out as well. The blood pressure issue is tied to the hormonal shift, so I'm going to keep an eye on that and expect that to go back to it's normal 118/78 in the next few days as things settle down and get back to normal.

So I am thankful that I am ok! And I'm thankful that there is some certainty that I will see my daughter grow up and I will be able to spend time with Jamison. Life itself is uncertain, but at least I know that I am still relatively healthy and I don't have to worry about something of that nature taking me prematurely. That's all I can ask for. Prayers truly are answered and I thank God for listening.

Posted by Daffodil at March 30, 2006 2:08 PM

Comments

Posted by: Pat at March 30, 2006 10:44 PM

Posted by: Kathy at March 30, 2006 11:02 PM

Posted by: Dianne at March 31, 2006 7:51 AM